This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
