Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
