Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
