I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
