yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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