Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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