What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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