Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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