Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Non-Jews are for practice
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
