his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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