We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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