I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
