So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
