i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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