glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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