I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
