for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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