i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
