I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
