the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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