Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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