so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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