Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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