i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize