we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
