You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
