Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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