the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
