FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
