This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
