My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
