Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(253): View more from Washington

To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song

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(903): View more from Texas

I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land

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(247): View more from

Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.

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(585): View more from New York

i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold

(1-585): View more from New York

hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang

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(804): View more from Virginia

The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.

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