she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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