bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
