Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
