did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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