A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
