I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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