You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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