I wish I could teleport
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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