He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
