wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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