Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
