she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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