She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
