So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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