Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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