I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
