Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize