Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
