When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize