The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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