my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
