Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
