Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
