And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
