not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
