At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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