My pussy is not your playground.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
