white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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