Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
