Me too!
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
