My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
