it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
