WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
