Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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