I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We're too hungover to prance.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
